Unclench

A recent study  concluded that young people today have less empathy than those in the recent past.  Considering how long "Christina and Ali" lasted on America's Got Talent, I find this surprising, but then maybe that was a sympathy issue, not empathy, although the two are closely related.  Or maybe the more empathetic oldsters were voting for them while the less empathetic youngsters voted for the Prince Poppycock, who knows?  [I was rooting for Michael Grimm since my extremely empathetic tendencies are not allowed to interfere with my music appreciation.  The name of the show is not "America's Got Sob Stories"]

I don't recall being very empathetic as a teen or young adult.  I tended to see things in black and white, right or wrong, rather than seeing the gray areas.  As I grew older, I became better able to put myself in the shoes of others and a new dimension to life opened up for me.  The way I see it, being empathetic leads to better understanding of others which facilitates acceptance which leads to less fearfulness and resentment which leads to a less stressful, happier life.

As an example, in 1996 when I first discovered the internet, I was under the influence of what I heard on the news and had a fear of Arab terrorists.  I became addicted to chatrooms and inevitably encountered people online from dozens of foreign countries, including the Middle East.  I avoided the Arabs, Pakistanis, and Indians at first, not trusting any of them, but I soon realized they weren't what I had prejudged them to be at all.  Once my barriers broke down, I accepted them (or rejected them) individually just as I would any person I met in my realtime life.  I found myself doing a complete turnaround and ended up becoming enamoured with Middle Eastern culture.  Even the tragedy of 9.11.2001 did not change this new attitude because I understood that the average Muslim in the Middle East is not preoccupied with hurting Americans.  One less fear, one more year to live--ok, I don't know this as a fact, but sounds reasonable, no? 

A little fear is normal and probably good to have to keep you on your toes, but a person who lets fear color his views and dictate his actions, is to be pitied.   These people have clenched fists, hearts, brains, and---ok, you know.  With everything clenched, there's no healthy flow going on. 

Besides alleviating fears, empathy is also good to develop because it reduces resentment.  You may look at someone getting special treatment, for example, and feel resentful, but have you first put yourself in their place?  Physically handicapped people get the coveted parking spaces and it's annoying when we're circling the parking lot for the third time, but really, would you want to be in their shoes?  When you're able to reduce resentment, you're another step closer to Happy.

Lastly, developing empathy, besides overcoming fears and resentment, may actually become a useful tool for you in personal relationships.  When you can empathize with others and better understand them, you can work better with them.  Don't be surprised if you find yourself liking people more than you used to.  I think you'll even like yourself more too as a result!

Nothing to fear but Fear itself...

If you don't already know this, I'm telling you now: Everything changes. I didn't understand this til I was in my 30's and I'm still learning even now. I noticed lately, for instance, that I feel saddest or hopelessest (just made up that word) in the morning when I wake up. Strange, but after I've done my washing up, much of my dreariness seems to have gone down the drain. Interesting!

The world is going through a massive shift this year and we don't know how long this uncertainty will last or what the outcome will be. Hopefully something good will come from this huge malfunction resulting from greed and immorality. A return to basics, I suppose? Hard lessons on what's truly important in life? How to do manual labor? Renewed interest in canned Spam and sardines? I don't know.

I watched "Law and Order" the other night and since they like to advertise "ripped from the headlines", I'm assuming people are flocking to street fights in New York City. Can "Thunderdome" be far off?

Cheer up! Is it another internet myth or is it true that the happiest people live in Nigeria? That's what I read several years ago, and that was BEFORE the Nigerians scammed everyone with those "please help me claim my money" emails. *LOL* Maybe that's why they're so happy, they had that up their sleeves?

More likely, however, it just shows that the simplest life can be just as happy or happier than one full of unnecessary expensive crap. The Brahmin on the East Coast may look down on us simple people, but having less to keep track of or worry about is IMHO bliss. Imagine how some people worry if their new BMW will get dinged or if someone will have a nicer suit or handbag. I don't know about you, but I breathe a lot easier after the first ding. I've been breathing easy for ten years now.

I heard on "The View" that some ladies judge others by their handbag. Holy crap! I honestly had no clue...imagine being naive at 55! I laughed out loud at how pathetic that was. Why on earth would I care what some dumb purse-obsessed lady thought of me??? I mean obviously the values of that kind of person is seriously skewed and frankly I'd PREFER not to be admired by that kind of misguided fool. Oh.. I think her name is Elisabeth Hasselbeck. *LOOOOOOL*

What is my point? My point is that we often THINK we need something--be it a certain guy or girl, or a certain Jimmy Choo shoe--but really, we don't. All we need is a mind that can easily wrap around any situation.

And therefore, we have nothing to fear but fear itself...or even, we should desire not to desire.