What becomes of the brokenhearted? They get over it and so can you. I speak from experience...multiple experiences! You don't have to be a Buddhist to recover from a broken heart, but Buddhists believe in non-attachment and the transience of life, two concepts that I believe are essential for healing a broken heart. As a teen I didn't consciously take those teachings to heart while experiencing my various heartbreaks, but in retrospect maybe I subconsciously did, because I recovered relatively quickly. Sure there are tenacious souls who refuse to disengage themselves and face the reality of a lost love. It's sad that they waste their lives that way when they could move on and find happiness and fulfillment in a thousand other ways.
Here are some of my ideas that may help:
1) List down the heartbreaker's negative characteristics. Everyone has them! If you can't think of anything wrong with their character (aside from the fact that they don't want you), look further, for instance "His mother is controlling, she'd be a pain as a mother-in-law," or "He wants to become a famous basketball player and then he'll probably cheat on me." Dig deep! Believe me, there's always something. Nothing wrong with rationalizing when it comes to alleviating pain! After you look at your list, hopefully you'll feel lucky to have lost him.
2) Think of the time you're using mourning your "loss". Why let anyone have that much power over you and your time? There is so much you can be doing instead. I guarantee you if you spend too much time moping around, there will come a day when you'll be angry at yourself for wasting precious time. It can cost you your job if you're not focused, or if you're in school, turn your A into a C---there goes that college scholarship!
3) Being brokenhearted results in very real physical stress that affects your health. Again, you're giving too much control to another person---control that rightfully belongs to you.
4) For the "moving on" step you're about to do, think carefully--writing them down--about how you may want to improve yourself for the next relationship. What lessons did you learn from this broken relationship? There's no sense in moving on if you're going to make the same mistakes again such as looking for someone with the same personality as the heartbreaker's, or again acting possessively or jealously.
5) Change begins within you. No one should depend on another for happiness. We must each be independent, strong, and secure. This doesn't mean become a hermit; it's good to share happiness, but you are complete within yourself. Don't buy into the "he completes me" hype. If a person needs another to "complete" them, then it seems to me they're not much of a person on their own.
Unless you're one of those unfortunate few who insist on dwelling in the past, as early as a few months from now, but more likely in a year, you'll think "that was silly of me to think I was going to die without this person!" or in five years you'll think "OH...MY...GOD!!! What did I SEE in that guy/girl?!?!"
It's truly amazing how feelings change. You'll wonder if you're the same person and well, you're NOT. Same DNA, but true to the transiency of life, you're really not the same person because you're constantly growing. Cells die off and are being replaced, hormone levels fluctuate, etc. With each new experience, you're learning every day, and that changes your emotional/mental makeup. And soon, VOILA! The broken heart gets mended literally and figuratively!
Every single day you wake up, there's a NEW YOU, and that's what I call HOPE!
*Photo by Brian McCarty
